I am letting myself rest and recover

The last time I wrote here was three years ago. That post was about how I was letting my mind take a break. And what a break that was! The next thing I knew, I became too busy juggling work and life, saying no to things I couldn't accommodate because I was busy, and simply going about my daily routine. 

Now, I am on another break, but it's a bigger one this time. It has been two weeks since my last day at work, and I am giving myself time to rest. The first quarter of this year has been brutal, and I had difficulty dealing with it. The project I've been handling in the last five years was due to end. I was offered another role, and I started doing tasks for this new role. However, after a month of working in this role alongside my current one, I realized it wasn't for me. 

In my mind, I failed. It was a square-peg-in-a-round-hole situation. I could stay and keep trying, but deep inside, I knew I wasn't a match for the role. I decided to submit my resignation letter and leave the company when my contract ends. 

It wouldn't have been a big deal, but the situation hammered my confidence. I felt I wasn't good enough and that all these years, I was just getting by. I felt like a fraud who had been unmasked. 

Looking back, I can say that perhaps it was my depression talking. My mental health condition makes me prone to negative thoughts, leaving me to think poorly of myself. Sometimes, I even think I don't have what it takes to survive in this fast-paced and competitive world. 

A week after submitting my resignation letter, I still felt stuck in what I call a hole of misery. As I approached my last day at work, I finished my tasks while slowly climbing out of this hole. Now, I still haven't fully gotten out, but I can say I'm no longer deep in it. 

I am looking for a new job, but I am not rushing to find one. I still need a few weeks to breathe and find my footing. I am using this time to heal, regain self-confidence, and build a stable ground from which I can take off. 

The past few months have been dark and difficult, but here I am, still standing. I am preparing myself for a new adventure. And when the time is right, I know I can spread my wings again and fly. 

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Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava