There is a time for everything. There is a time to cry, and there is a time to heal. I am done crying, but I don't think I am on my way to healing.
I have been hurt really badly in the past year. While I can say that 2017 is indeed my year, with all the good things that have been happening to me, I cannot say that I have completely moved on from my recent painful experiences. I am not bitter or angry, but the pain is still there. I am still hurting.
I've started posting inspirational and motivational quotes on my Instagram and Facebook pages. I wish I could easily follow these and put these words of wisdom into action. Yesterday morning, this is what I posted:
I wrote this, but even I am finding it hard to follow this. Every day, my mind buzzes with so much noise. A lot of thoughts compete for my attention. The negative ones mingle with the positive, and most of the time, the negative thoughts outnumber the positive. When they do, it's time for me to say hello to another depressive episode.
I know I can choose to ignore these and focus on the good. Here are some of them: My novel has already been published online as a serialized piece. My surgery last Saturday (it's a minor one, don't worry) went well and the pain medicine prescribed to me works wonders (thank you, Dr. N!). I am blessed with projects that I love to do, and these also let me earn a little extra on the side.
I have a lot to be thankful for, so why am I still not fully okay? Painful memories still manage to occupy my mind and ruin my mood. Therapy has been helpful in processing negative thoughts. But aside from therapy, maybe I need to learn the art of fully letting go.
Or maybe the time for me to heal is not here yet. If this is the case, then I should not rush it. Let's just say that my wounds have already stopped bleeding, but they are still there, so I have to clean and treat them. Eventually, they will scar to remind me me of what I have been through. Then, my wounds will fully heal, and I will be ready to start anew.